Observing Our Aquarium of Emotions (Self-as-Context)

Imagine you’re standing in front of a huge wall-sized aquarium, and you have the chance to watch as your experiences, inner processes, thoughts, and impulses swim by as fish — some large, some small. What fish is this emotion? And this? How big is it? You can give them names and titles — here comes Sadness Gliding past, and that one over there is Anger, and so on. These fish simply swim past you at different speeds, back and forth, some disappearing from view. But they are not you — they are what is happening inside you, and they are no bigger than you are. You don’t need to try to scatter these fish with a shout or do anything else with them; they live in this aquarium on their own. They swim up and swim away, and you can watch their movements the way you watch a TV screen or movie theater, where something from your life is playing out. And you, as the observer, are standing, or perhaps sitting, with a clear sense of solid ground beneath your feet. There is no goal to react intensely to these emotion-fish, to prove something to them, respond to them, look for reasons why this particular fish has grown so large and what are the consequences… One thing is clear: even if they leap out of the aquarium in an emotional storm, they won’t pounce on you and they won’t devour you.

Using this exercise as an illustration, I wanted to show you the 6 core processes of ACT (short for Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, a third-wave cognitive-behavioral approach), which are: cognitive defusion, acceptance, present-moment contact, the Observing Self (self-as-context), values, and committed action. In this article I most wanted to focus on self-observation. Why might developing the Observing Self be valuable? From this position we can look into the past, the present, and the future, while recognizing that our Observing Self is that very constant, unchanging anchor we can rely on when making decisions — it is our inner stability.

When we are in this observing state toward our emotions (somewhat detached, yet not entirely, because we still feel the emotions), no matter how strong they are, and when we don’t give in to the urge to chase after those emotions or, conversely, run from them, we can notice our impulses and choose in the moment: how do I want to respond right now? How do I want to behave? In this way, we have more control over our emotions — rather than them having control over us. This skill can be learned through the ACT approach (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, a third-wave CBT approach), in which I practice and can show you how to begin applying it in real life, so that you can then use it independently, outside of therapy sessions. Like any skill, it requires consistent practice, but believe me, if you find even 5 minutes a day to practice this kind of observation in the moment when you feel emotions starting to rise, your quality of life will noticeably improve over time.

So, briefly one more time, with examples, on the 6 core ACT processes:

Self-as-context (the Observing Self): however the context of life may change, we are capable of recognizing ourselves as something greater than our emotions, feelings, and thoughts. We are the ones who observe them, the way we observe those fish in the aquarium, from the outside.

Cognitive defusion: we are not our emotions (not “I am anxious,” but “I have anxiety”), and they do not control us, but they do influence us, and that influence is something we have the power to reduce.

Acceptance: these emotions are present here and now; I allow them to be here.

Present-moment contact: what am I feeling right now? What’s around me? What am I thinking? What emotions am I experiencing?

Values clarity: what matters right now? What kind of person do I want to be? This helps identify the areas of life that are most meaningful and establishes them as a key compass.

Committed action: if I’m angry, and then I act on that anger and start yelling at my partner — is that a movement toward the kind of person I want to be, or a movement away from it, with rumination taking over? Does this behavior align with my values? Does it help me connect with others? I always have a choice in how I am with anger (or any other negative emotion), and how I want to live my life here and now, based on what matters to me.

All 6 of these processes build psychological flexibility (also a concept from ACT), which allows us to live a more fulfilling life even in the presence of the negative emotions we periodically experience. Psychological flexibility can be developed — there’s even a test that measures it: the AAQ-II (Acceptance and Action Questionnaire). If it’s low, it indicates a tendency toward experiential avoidance and struggling against inner experiences, which can make life feel less than you’d want it to be. The good news is that this can be worked on. I enjoy applying ACT exercises in my own everyday life when I experience difficult feelings — they help me coexist with them. Chances are, you’ll be able to do the same.