Kind Post for Emigrant Folks Out There
I really feel like writing a few words of support for those of you who, like me, are living as emigrants.
I’ve been living in the Netherlands for almost 3 years. My Dutch is still not quite at B1 level (I try not to beat myself up about it), I occasionally go to a Taalcafe, I’ve been exploring a possible neurodivergent identity, I’ve found a new social circle and friends through my special interest (perfume), and I’ve changed career paths. And no, I still haven’t started cycling regularly in the land of cyclists — I just don’t like cycling, and that’s that.
Also:
1️⃣ There’s no shame in starting over. For some people, connections, social status and even diploma reset in a new country. It will take real effort and time, quite possibly a lot, to reorganize your life in a new context. It’s essential to give yourself enough rest. I’ll say the obvious: maintaining good sleep hygiene, keeping social connections, eating well, and staying active — these are the foundations for basic wellbeing.
2️⃣ You are not alone. Try looking for interest-based communities if you feel lonely, or find support groups for people living in emigration. It can be very therapeutic to “vent” to each other in a safe space about how hard emigrant life can be. You might meet all sorts of people and pick up something useful from their experience — how they’re trying to cope. And quite possibly you’ve already passed a stage that someone else is just going through, and your experience will be valuable to them.
3️⃣ Give yourself as much time to adapt as you need. There’s no universal timeline for everyone, and the myth of “3 years” deserves to be busted right here. It’s unlikely to be exactly 3 years, though anything is possible. For you it might be 5 years, or even longer, and that’s perfectly normal.
4️⃣ There’s no shame in not managing, or in not keeping up with things “the way everyone else does.”
5️⃣ There’s no shame in not speaking the language of the country you moved to. Whether you learn it or not is entirely up to you.
6️⃣ It’s okay to spend the first years feeling irritated by the local customs and frustrated that everything is different from home. Gradually you adapt and get used to the environment. Some things may still get on your nerves, but not as intensely as before. However, the dissatisfaction and discomfort can sometimes be so strong that the drawbacks start to outweigh the advantages, and a person may decide to return home where they’re more comfortable. Zero percent judgment. To each their own. When making decisions like this, it’s important to act from your values rather than being driven by emotions.
7️⃣ You are not obligated to integrate into local society within any particular short or standard timeframe. In fact, you’re not obligated to integrate at all. Yes! This might sound wild to some people, but truly, not everyone needs it or feels that need. You can find a level of involvement that feels comfortable and sustainable — small talk with neighbors, a conversation club, volunteering for those who want more activity and engagement with the environment.
8️⃣ Don’t compare yourself to other emigrants, compare yourself to your past self: “oh, I can already do that,” or “I’ve found a few great places that have become my favorites,” or “I’m no longer uncomfortable handling this or that everyday task,” or “I’ve built a new social circle here,” and so on.
Above all, remember that we are all different and each of us has our own pace. Reading my words, you might think I’m discouraging you from pursuing goals, that’s not the case. Setting goals is important and necessary. But it’s better for each person to have a number of goals that feels manageable to them, and timelines that feel achievable. The important thing is to support yourself in those moments when things aren’t working out, or aren’t moving as quickly as you’d hoped. Make sure to notice your achievements, your steps — big and small. On a path as challenging as emigration, it’s very easy to slide into devaluing yourself.